As what Joe has termed "catalog season" winds down, and we start to move into what might legitimately be called the "Christmas Season," let us take a look back on the past month, particularly the money-grubbing interests who deem it a good idea to flog us repeatedly with cloying symbols of a holiday that at one point was a source of joy and peace, until it becomes nothing more than a bad sales pitch.
These are the Christmas Creeps, those who allow Christmas to creep ever backward on the calendar, to the point that the holiday season never ends.
Now, before someone goes Bill O'Reilly on me and starts accusing me of being at "War on Christmas," or some other equally inane nonsense, let me make something clear: I happen to like Christmas an awful lot. Without going into the details of how my family observes it, let's just say that I'm awfully fond of the exchanging of gifts, the emphasis on light and the story of light entering the world, the decoration of greenery, (some of) the carols, the piles of sugar and chocolate one inevitably consumes, candlelight services on Christmas Eve, advent services at Church, yes, all that. But I like it in my own way, at its own time, and I don't want to be so saturated with jingly nonsense to the point that by the time Thanksgiving rolls around I'm already getting physically ill at the sound of sleigh bells.
Last year, I called for a boycott. This year, we're taking it a step further -- I'm going to hand out awards for worst Christmas Creep. And here's where you come in. First, I need nominations. I'll suggest a few categories below, but these can be expanded if we have a rush on things. Second, I'd really like to come up with some nice, pretty color awards. In my mind, these feature some sort of image of Santa (quite possibly featuring Billy Bob Thronton, if the copyright police don't become problematic), with the words "Bad Santa!" featured prominently, along with a citation as a Christmas Creep and a detail of the offense. If someone with mad crazy photoshop skills feels like going at this, I'd be appreciative.
If we get a good response here (i.e., it doesn't become apparent that nobody cares and I'm just ranting into space), I will actually print out certificates for the winners and deliver them to them. Normally, I wouldn't like being confrontational about this. But this whole "more More MORE CHRISTMAS!!!!" trend is really beginning to piss me off.
Rules (such as they are) for the contest are below the fold.
Here are the available categories for nomination:
- Department store
- Specialty store
- Radio station
- TV station
- Shopping center
- Other
These may be added to, split, or consolidated as we go.
Here are the general guidelines for what is involved in being a Christmas Creep. The general premise here is the use and exploitation o non-commercial themes, images, songs, symbols, and other cultural aspects for purposes of producing a particular economic effect beyond the limits of Advent or before the last week in November.:
- Blatant and egregious rolloing out of Christmas-themed decorations before Thanksgiving, with particular emphasis on seriously early offenders.
- Creep does not refer to textual and literal references to the fact that Christmas is approaching and one might want to get thinking about it. Reminders are okay, so long as they don't come with holly, bells, tinsel, fat men in sleighs, etc.
- Likewise, some degree of Noel-related content in catalogs, mailings, and special fliers is acceptable -- I understand that people have a business to run.
- Year-round Christmas themed stores are exempt, provided some minor amount restraint in marketing is practiced.
- Any employment of any song which incorporates themes of Christmas and the concept of "rock" music is among the most severe offenses possible. This includes the two obvious, odious examples which shall not be named lest they get stuck in our heads, but extends beyond them to the more general concept.
- The economic effect intended need not be direct, such as the encouragement of purchasing an item. Media outlets running Christmas-themed content in order to attract Christmas-happy advertisers are every bit as culpable.
Pleaes post nominations with details of offense in the comments, along with any suggestions about categories or format. Even better, if you've drawn up offender certificates, post a link here or e-mail me a proof. I'll kick it off below.
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